Friday, December 12, 2014

Kindness Matters

Last weekend when I was shopping with my Mother in Law, we came across a sign that said, "Kindness Matters".  We talk about being kind almost daily with the kids and always point out when others are being kind and what kind behavior is.  It matters.  But lately, or who I am I kidding, the past couple of months, Max hasn't always been kind.  Sometimes I'm torn if he is being a typical three year old boy, or being mean.

Justin and I usually talk about how sweet our little buddy is, but all it takes is five minutes on the playground for that to change.  The last thing I want is for my kid to be labeled a bully.  Typically I think of a bully as a big guy going around punching other kids and calling names.  But what is a three year old bully?  Max is by far the biggest of his peers.  I have seen him walk by a peer/friend and just push them.  I have also seen him being provoked and pushing back out of defense.  Whatever the case may be, I try to handle the situation the best I know how.  Sometimes he gets a warning, other times, he is immediately taken out of the situation and put in time out, or in car to go home.
The other day we had about six of their friends over for a play date.  He was definitely NOT having a good behavior day.  He was put in timeout two times and the last time I took him to his room and he was not allowed out until his friends left (about 10 minutes).  It made me embarrassed and sad.
Last night I had trouble sleeping bc i kept thinking about my sweet boy that hasn't been so sweet.

We had Gary the Elf, bring them chore/behavior charts one morning.  It hasn't helped but I think I need to change his goals to be more obtainable? IDK.  I don't know what else to do besides talk to him about being kind to all his friends, talk about feelings, and punish when the bad behavior happens.  UGH. This parenting thing is hard!


  1. JJ made the comment the other day that he's scared at how little Chloe will listen sometimes - just totally tunes us out and doesn't follow directions. I'd like to think it's just a typical 3 year old thing and they will grow out of it.

  2. He's just 3 and still learning! I sympathize with your worries but he's a good boy and you're a great mom, and I believe he will grow out of it.

    Have you tried the bucket filler books? You can get them at Target? I have found them really helpful in teaching empathy, promoting good behavior and explaining nad behavior. The girls' kindergarten teacher also uses them. There's an entire series.

  3. Hi! I came across your blog through a link on another. I hope you don't mind me posting. I also have 3 (almost 4) year old boy/girl twins (plus a 16 month old) and I feel like I'm reading about a day in my life. LOL. My boy can be as sweet as can be but when I get him in a group of more than a few kids he turns mean. I feel like I am always on top of him making sure he's not pushing or provoking. I'm not sure how Max is, but my Jack is very attached to me so I've noticed if I'm chatting with other moms and not paying attention to him he is much more likely to act out to get my attention. It is so frustrating. I've definitely pulled the same move of putting him in his room for timeouts until everyone leaves. He definitely acts better if I engage him and play with him a little bit (so frustrating because the point of a play date is for me to get some socialization too!). I'm hoping it's just a phase and he'll grow out of it! Anyways, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and it's normal. Good luck! :)